Have You Ever Been Told That Crying Is Weakness?
Have you ever found yourself holding back tears because you believed it was a sign of weakness? How often have you felt the need to hide your emotions, fearing that showing them would make you appear vulnerable or out of control? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us were raised to think that emotions like sadness, frustration, and even crying were things to avoid, control, or be ashamed of. But what if we’re wrong? What if the truth is that it’s okay to not be okay?
The Cultural Stigma Around Crying
Growing up, I was often told that crying is not okay; it’s a sign of weakness and it’s a nuisance. If I tripped or felt sad, instead of being comforted, I would hear, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.” This wasn’t unique to my household—many of my friends and cousins heard similar things. It wasn’t because our parents or elders were cruel; they were simply passing down what they knew. In their generation, there wasn’t much discussion about mental health or gentle parenting. They did what they thought would work, and to their credit, it did stop the tears—at least temporarily.
While they didn’t mean any harm, they likely didn’t realize the long-term impact this approach could have as we grew into adults. By associating crying with weakness or disobedience, many of us internalized the idea that showing emotions was something to avoid. For years, I believed that crying was wrong, and that every time I did cry, it meant something was seriously wrong with me.
Rewiring Our Thoughts on Crying
As I got older, this mindset followed me. Whenever I cried, I felt like I was falling apart. Crying had become something to fear, something that signaled a deep problem. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with depression in 2018 that I started to understand how damaging this belief had been.
At first, I thought my crying was proof of my depression, and that it was making everything worse. I was miserable and what’s worse is that, I made myself feel bad for feeling that way. It was very counterproductive. But through books and a lot of self-reflection, I started to realize something simple but profound: crying is normal. It is a natural human emotion, and there is nothing wrong with feeling sadness.
Have you watched the movie, Inside Out? If you haven’t, I highly suggest that you do. It beautifully illustrates that every emotion—whether it’s Joy, Sadness, Anger, or Fear—has a role in our lives. Sometimes, all an emotion wants is to be acknowledged. Nothing is inherently bad—not even anger. Anger is a natural emotion too, and how we handle it is what makes the difference. But that’s a topic for another day, and I’ll be diving deeper into that in another blog! When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions, it can pass. But if we constantly push it down, it lingers, it festers, it piles up and it starts to overflow a.k.a. breaking down.
Let’s End the Stigma with Us
Recently, I had an experience with my son that deeply touched me. One of the owls that often hung around the building where I work was found dead, and its partner was guarding the body. When I heard the news, I blurted out, “Awww, I’m so sad” while sitting at the dining table with my family. My soon-to-be 4-year old son asked me, “Mama, why are you sad?” I explained, “It’s because our owl is dead.” Without missing a beat, he said, “It’s okay to be sad, I’ll just give you a hug,” and then he hugged and kissed me.
I was taken aback by his response. I had told him in the past that “it’s okay to be sad” when he cried, but I never realized how much he had absorbed it. In that moment, my son reminded me of the power of allowing ourselves and others to feel. It was heartwarming to see that he was learning that it’s okay to express emotions, and it made me hopeful that the emotional stigma I grew up with could end with me. It’s a reminder that we, as parents, have the opportunity to give our children the freedom to feel, and that starts by normalizing emotions in our everyday lives.
Embracing Emotions as Part of Healing
When I started allowing myself to cry without judgment, things began to change. I gave myself permission to feel sad, to cry when I needed to, and to sit with those emotions. I noticed that the more I let myself feel, the less overwhelming those feelings became. When I gave my sadness the spotlight it needed, it no longer controlled me. It became just another emotion—a passenger, not the driver.
This was the secret to managing my emotions and lifting myself out of depression. It wasn’t about suppressing how I felt but about embracing all emotions as part of being human. Now, when I feel sad, I let myself cry and allow the emotion to wash over me. It’s only by doing this that I can move forward.
The experience with my son reaffirmed how important it is to give ourselves and others permission to feel. Here are a few tips I’ve learned on my journey to embracing emotions:
Tips for Embracing Your Emotions
- Acknowledge What You’re Feeling: The first step is simply recognizing that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. These are normal emotions, not signs of weakness.
- Give Yourself Space to Feel: When emotions come up, give yourself the freedom to feel them fully. If you need to cry, cry. If you’re frustrated, let it out in a healthy way, like journaling or talking to a trusted friend.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that feeling emotional doesn’t make you weak. In fact, allowing yourself to feel and process emotions takes strength.
- Remember It’s Temporary: Emotions are like waves—they come and go. When you feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that this feeling will pass.
- Lean on Your Support System: It’s okay to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist when emotions feel heavy. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic.
The most important lesson I’ve learned is that it’s okay not to be okay. Sadness, crying, and all the emotions we sometimes try to hide are part of being human. Emotions don’t need to be fixed; they need to be felt. By embracing every feeling, we allow ourselves to heal and grow. So the next time you feel tears coming on, don’t push them away. Let them fall. You’ll be stronger for it.
Let’s Talk!
Have you ever been told not to cry or been made to feel bad for showing emotions? How has that affected you, and how have you started to break free from it? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. Drop a comment below and let’s open up a conversation about why it’s okay to feel what we feel. Together, we can break the stigma around emotions and embrace the human experience fully.